uffff!!!

the day b4 yesterday was one helluva day for me such harrowing experience my god!
it all started in the morning i woke up a bit late bbut wanted to go to the physcis and communications lecture my roomate left early. when i left my bed searching for he damn
toothbrush i realized the room was locked from outside!!! of fuck i said in desperation
banged at the door then again dozed off 2 hours later i shouted "abe bihari" "darwaza khol de baahar se" voila i am a free bird
again chalo the day has begun wish me luck still lots to go then i went to the computer lab teacher to beg to plead to seek forgiveness for being late in submitting the programs. finally after 3 and a half hours of waiting and pleading for mercy i was granted my wish not to forget thanx i had a girl with me as my lab partner otherwise i wud have been screwed. then it was eve i came to the hostel in the way to my room a fren was joking with me and the price of the jokes my spectacles were broken . oh shit! i have only a single pair + rs 140 for its repairs when i am broke icing on the cake. ...................L.O.L
so i checked my wallet 100 rupees were missing
then went to the atm took out the money and shipra it is then!
did shopping and the shopkeeper charged me half it was worth oh!
came back to the hostel had a fight with some of my best frens in coll
it wasn't really a fight but just an emotional outburst rather
finally i slept with a view whic i share with scarlett O'hara
"afterall tomorrow is a new day"

umrao jaan

it has been a week since i saw umrao jaan . it was a pretty harrowing experience and left me astounding that why out of pity frenship or what ever why did i ever watch that movie . sure ash is gorgeous but a 3hour+movie it was just too much what i did in the movie was tha twatch mujras and then go back to sleep on the not so comfy pvr chairs . the aunty next me me was throwing a stern look at me and two of my frens coz all we did was joking amongst us. even the dad of the hot girl sitting behind me waved at us when v left the theatre even b4 the movie was completed .



that is besides the point i was just wondering abt the future of such umrao jaans in india thou a century has passed but the condition of women is unchanged isn't it........
i vividly remember this incident which happened 3 years back on ............
i was on the lko rail station waiting for the never on time chapra mail to take me to my school in gwalior i had waited for 3 hrs in cold 6 to 0 in the morning and was damn frustrated ...... then a poorly dressed girl in rags came up to me and with those lost dreamy eyes asked me for anything to eat ...... i just couldn't hold myself and gave her 20 bucks .............
it is so unlike me but i just did it couldn't refrain myself.
i had to she looked so fragile so beautiful so needy that i had to help her out
for me she is my umrao jaan
even more beautiful than ash

"JUST HELP THEM" AND SAVE THEM FROM SUCH A DESOLATE AND OBSOLETE FUTURE"

britney and k-fed breakup

the speculation by media is finally over they both have filed for divorce "unconscionable reasons" is the reason stated by the couple


lets see how things turn up ...........
was just wondering ....... afterall we live in a socity and gossip is our birth right

music it is!!!!

this song is very apt for me
bed of roses-bon jovi

Sitting here wasted and wounded
At this old piano
Trying hard to capture
The moment this morning I dont know
cause a bottle of vodka
Is still lodged in my head
And some blond gave me nightmares
I think shes still in my bed
As I dream about movies
They wont make of me when Im dead

With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While were talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
And the truth is baby youre all that I need

I want to lay you on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

Well Im so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A kings ransom in dimes Id given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or its hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
Ill just close my eyes and whisper,
Baby blind love is true

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

The hotel bar hangover whiskeys gone dry
The barkeepers wigs crooked
And shes giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died

When you close your eyes
Know Ill be thinking about you
While my mistress she calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonite I wont be alone
But you know that dont
Mean Im not lonely Ive got nothing to prove
For its you that Id die to defend

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

the end of life

A Philosophy that intrigues me much more than anything else...

Should it be called the End or the Armageddon or the Metamorphosis or something else... difficult to say... requires an in depth analysis of the notions surrounding this phenomenon.

It all depends on one's approach to death itself and thus automatically comes the related issue of one's notion regarding life as well. Though it might sound strange but it is a fact that the image that one holds in his psyche regarding death is an oblique reflection of his view about life..

If one takes life to be absolute then death is reduced to a mere trivia. if we deduct 'full' from full itself then we get the 'full' back.. Confused..? Look at it this way.. we all know that the Universe comprises of everything, all that is there, and all that is not as there cannot be abything beyond this Universe. So now if we subtract this Universe from itself we get 'nothing' mathematically. But that nothing is also included in the universe as per the definition of the Universe. Therefore we get back the Universe.

Now if we take life to be such an absolute, which can transcend mere bodily existence then there cannot be a state which is beyond the scope of this life. Thus death becomes something utopian for easier analysis and superficial explanation.

seems so easy isn't it then lets all die and take the path of death why stay alive........!!

In reality there are more layers to this philosophy. I just attempt to bring out only one at this moment. In an attempt to physically substantiate life.. it can be asserted that a being or for that matter anything lives or exists in the mind of other people. If one is shoved into oblivion by someone else then no matter how much he lives bodily he is actually dead. Likewise how much one is bodily dead if others remember him there is no better way to live. Biological death is not the same as the notion of death as the notion is one which resides in one's mind and cannot be mensured by instruments or any physical 'jantra'.

Hence Death is a transformation from one state to another from one mode of perceivability to another form of perception.

as our badri sir said its a matter of perception and showed us a cool pic of a young girl,some said it was young some said old but for me she was an ailing dying woman

Death is not an Absolute...Life is the yardstick.

A DROP OF THOUGHT!!

I doubt whether I can break,

I doubt if my 'hope' can shake...

It's not that I love to doubt :

But of my doubts I can't partake..

THE corridors OF jiit

as one moves through the corridors of THE college one can feel the nostalgia and mixed aura of sweat and perfume hard to distinguish where people just try too much. the corridors being an integral part of the campus every colligiate has to traverse through them several times of the day. they can be looked upon as a vibrant ground of mixed emotions. people in various stages of emotional undress can be found littered everywhere.

sometimes when this strange mood takes me i try to study and figure out people. it isn't love for people but pure wonder curiosity and amazement. generally its just a glance which does the trick thier faces emotions say it all. so once in a while it is cool to sport a dumb and lost look purposly for ppl to underestimate you!!!! they evaluvate and conclude and thence exposing themselves more
OH GOD WHAT A SADIST I AM TURNING OUT TO BE :=)
THE CLOCK BELL RINGS 9
the stream of nobody's rushes in to become somebody of future. some enter with a goal, some with desolution!- resigned to fate and the rest to mingle with the crowd and the fucking exceptions like me want to get lost in the jingling crowd trying to avoid destiny which catches up in the end afterall. L.O.L
the euphoria begins...................
lemme describe the campus there is a coffe shop and beside that there is a tuck shop which provides all sorta stuff to eat like chips and all and unofficially serves as a rescue point between lectures there on the ground floor there are numerous lecture theatres and in frony of them there are some khopcha's "a dating place "

as the day rolls on there is a sense of exitement every where lectures being cancelled mass bunks being planned and ofcourse staring and oogling at girls which some of the guys do not all .....maybe all but they don't show.

then there is the adminstrative guys trying to catch ppl using mobile a new trend evolved in the colleges thou it is a fad.
this reminds me of a experience of mine
ok here it is
i was feeling very rich so i paid more fees than i shud have so the college gave a refund check . thou it was an account payee one but i tried to cash it as i was in dire need of cash as every one is
then the head adminstrative officer supposedly caught me trying to "fraudlently cashing the check" as he put it. he then gave me a fucking lecture of half hour and in the end told me i have commited a fedral offence and the police had to be called he picked up the fone . then i said tusion mein sir talk to papa i have permission from him it was then he wasa bit disheartened and let go of me... as i came out cursing him i met a junior in almost crying state his mobile was confiscated and was asking me what to do i gave a loud sigh damn these assoles
people back bitching gossips freely flowing in short it is a new world inside
still when A wrong act is being planned or a consipiracy being hatched alll become one
"UNITY IN DIVERSITY " JUST LIKE TRUE INDIA

concept of DiWaLi

it is a forwarded mAil i had just received amazing thou
do read it
it is actually happening these days observe people in metros and other big cities the young crownd in particular, everything western is worshipped by them
where is InDiA
here it is!!!

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked
by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali"
to his younger brother, this is how he went about it..

." So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom
and people liked him.
But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a
bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this
cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or
something...
Since he was going, for like, something like more than
10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his
bro along...you know...so that they could all chill
out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really
man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.
But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and
arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called
Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to
his hood.And boy, was our man , and also his bro,
Laxman,pissed...
And you don't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just
kicks ass and like... all the gods were with him... So
anyways,you don't mess with gods.
So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys..Dude,
don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just
go along with me, ok...So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys
whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the
forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know...
no TV or malls or shit like that.
So,they decided to hitch a ride backhome... and when
the people realize that our dude, his bro andthe wife
are back home... they thought, well, you know, at
least they deserve something nice... and they didn't
have any bars or clubs in those days...
so they couldn't take them out for a drink,so they,
like,decided to smoke and shit...and since they also
had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was
pretty cooool...you know with all those fireworks...
Really, they even had some localband play along with
the fireworks... and you know,what, dude, that was the
very first, no kidding.., that was the very first
music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th
of July stuff,but just, more cooler and stuff, you
know.
And, so dude, that was how,like, this festival
started."

A GiRls DiArY.............


all these yeARS i have had been wondering how a girl writes her diary thou i had a chance to read once but i outrightly declined ahem ahem....well that's besides the point maybe this is the way a girl write sin her diary i dunno but give it a try


september 15,2006 thursday


dear diary ,
today was so much fun at the end of the day i was elated and yet when i lied down to sleep i just cudn't sleep that creepy smile came back again and agai o nmy vestal face god it is in decent to be so happy.
i had a dream day giving in to the tiring schedule of my past few days today i woke up a little late than usuall and then allowed myself the luxuary of bunking all the lectures . then college was fun after that i was tired nevertheless went out with my frens hd a blast of an evening and lo! back i am in the hostel tired but flush with happiness
so far everthing is just so good never once was i questioning stuff as i usually do i just went with the flow so unnatural for me but yet very true
then we 4 frens talked thru the nyt it was just too good since past sometime i never talked like this but then it felt nice in a strange sorta way,
and then we slept togather which was certainly one thing i hadn't done thru ages

we slept with the morning sun,
the vestal rains lashing at the door,
awoke with a start,glowing smile on my face
alas! wud this day ever come again

goodbye, x x x



ahem ahem!! howz the try

okay this is an honest attempt hope the people associated wud like it







I wait
trying to catch a glimpse
of your oceanic eyes
a shadow of your smile
your angelic face

I walk in desolation
a traveller
in a desert
praying for an oasis,
and there you are, the mirage

Shrouded in a veil of mystery
the deary morning frost
oh! how i wish
for the ice to be broken
for the Peraly Gates to open

I try desperately
to find my strangled voice
the words, by your aura, overshadowed
die prematurely in the throat
and all one hears is a splutter

I, try
To win a lost battle
Every second with the hope
That it will ….
Why?

give up, i will not
with the passing days i gather strength
to cease being the dumb guy in the next chair.
And tell you what I feel u’hve still got me wrong
I hope not , forever that lasts

IF!

the word if itself says it all. if an alias for hindi word 'kaash' gives rise to surrealism and hope.hope is man's best friend and also the worst enemy which creeps when least expected to stab you.
yesterday i was just thinking the importance of this word in my life and as i went down the memory lane it just made it presence felt somehow. i can't say i am not immune to this feeling but it has come to my rescue on helluva occations
when i am feeling low 'IF' increases my morale givin' hope to the damned.
sometimes rather i say most of the times 'IF'
gives us just false hope......................
a premonitions of disaster's..................... AS LIFE FUCKS
a picturesque of my dreams............................ THE DREAM CATCHER
an anticlimax to fantasies..................................... THE FANTASY BUSTER
the more meaningful


SOMETIMES CIRCUMSTANCES AND MY REACTIONS FORCE ME TO THINK that whether i am a big psycho kya?
why do i like to spend time alone? am i a loner?
why am i just so moody?
why do people bore me generally after talking with them for sometimebut it isn't like i start hating them its like i just loose interest in them they cease to exist for me...
GHOSH!! THESE PEOPLE ARE SO IGNORANT THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT FROM THIER LIVES. DO I?
but then here the tragedy starts
THE more meaningful people i meet half the time the friendship which i so badly want doesn't emulate and when it does then its for life .
the story of my life can be summed up as a soccer game
allow me to elaborate
i am a midfielder i create chances for others the strikers . they r the ones who benefit most from me.
when i try to be a striker i fail miserably i am too horibile
ONLY IF I COULD SUCEED ONCE JUST THIS ONE TIME WHICH MATTERS THE MOST
IF IF IF
IF IF
IF
enough shit
okay fine
her name is..............
keep speculating