me me and just me hpe it isn't an overdose

Neev

2008-06-16T23:07:00.003+05:30

please if anyone has the link to download 'neev' give it to me i will be very grateful
Neev is a sit com aired on doordarshan in 80's

dearth

2008-03-13T10:55:00.001+05:30

if i can pull it through today i an pull myself out of everything

life is never fair for me
luck has gone on a sabbatical

confessions of an absent minded maverick

2007-11-30T18:46:00.000+05:30

honest confessions which prove how careless i am and the amount of carelessness one afford to have against his name

1.My cell phone i always manage to leave it behind be it my room or some odd eatery. have lost two in 2 years fingers crossed :)

2.My almari is always open and once it so happened a friend of mine hid some perfumes of mine and i didn't even realize they are missing until he told me after a week.

3.My wallet is always in my desk drawer. i have to face lot of heat because of that :(

4. I went to give the NLSIU exam and on the gates of the center i realized i have forgotten my admit card at home! called up dad and he faxed it to me . so finally started the exam 25 minutes late thence no chance of clearing it (sigh)

5.Parked my car on the slope without pulling the handbrake... hehe luckily no one was hurt neither the car

6.Didn't give my english preboard because sitting through 3 hours was too much.
My housemaster called mum but you know how persuasive i can be , i got out clean :P

7. Two fingers of my left foot was fractured and i ran 4.5 kms crosscountry :oops and finished well in time.

let's leave it at seven considering it is a very auspicious number hope it puts some sense in me
PS: for this post the inspiration comes from a dear friend who managed to lock herself out of her car not once but thrice :P

with love,

2007-09-30T14:43:00.000+05:30

career has certainly become the most over rated word in today's world. when a
child is in class 6th since then he is asked or in some cases told that u have
to do this or that in life and at that time the parent sees only a future doctor,engineer in him or family business awaits him. but now times have changed. With the advent of MNC'S the whole prospect has changed now jobs are on the
front seat where the risk factor is zero assured income and no hassles of
running a business. As many times i have been told when u grow up you have
to find yourself with a good job and move to a better city i have listened
quitely never expressing my opinion maybe because backtalking to elders was considered rude but now as i stand on the brink of choosing my career ( it wud
be wrong to say this but i had been made to choose anyway no regrets now) i have chosen what i wish to do in my life. After much thinking and searching the web reading stuff i have decided that i will be an investment banker work for some
time then dad's business. how can i let it die afterall my grandfather put his heart and soul in it my father worked so hard how can i just let it go.... no i can't rather i wouldn't
As my dad says "son what is left in this city you have to move out seek the
greener pastures and live your life in a different way " what i fail to
understand is how can i leave my parents when they will need me the most and
that too just for my own sake. how much i argue with him that too no avail.
but i have decided that i won't and i shall stand by it.
Why do we live why do we earn why do we want to be happy all these questions
i can't seem to answer as per the conventional rules
happiness whom to share with ? money on whom to splurge? live for whom .?
well without family all seems to be mundane Is this what indian sanskar
is all about the indian sanskar of which we damn indians are so proud of
the joint family is dying, i've always lived in one thou and never have
imagined life without one i can live a few years in some weirdo place all
by myself but for life no. living in some weirdo place with your parents
coming over occasionally or you visiting them seems bakwaas why do we have
to go the western way what is the need can't we preserve the indian ethics
the much touted culture "hindutva" as BJP and VHP and many other hard core
parties say....
this would be the first time i will go against my parents wishes without an
ounce of regret
maybe i am a bit orthodox but so be it i can never forget what my parents have
done for me and i can never reciprocate what they have done the least i can do
is what i am doing
my father always said "son i want to be known as your father and not you
as my son"
i shall remember that dad always
happy anniversary to you both pity i am not ther to celebrate with you :(
as i tune in to 'nothing else matters' lost in the music i am indeed in heaven
i loose all my sense and sensibility :P

hmm

2007-09-19T21:10:00.000+05:30

life can be so demanding i can't believe these days
are a complete riot i don't even have free time to write
anything once i am through with college then the assignments
ring the bell as they are about to leave there is a certain CAT
which is supposedly so hard to tame pounces upon me and then
the projects uff so much work and even then how can i forget
not breaking the stupid college rules kya kya karun and as
if its not enough visit to relatives is also necessary
otherwise how can i relish home made food.
human only!
the threat of exams is always looming over the head a threat
which can't be ward off a threat on which too much rides along .

enough crap
its just a filler i am still alive and will come up with something
soon

"A WOMAN WHO HAS IMPRESSED ME THE MOST"

2007-05-28T18:55:00.000+05:30

MOTHER: The word itself is synonymous with infinite emotions poured out all at once. it attributes to the world the most precious and the purest relationship of mankind. according to me my mother is one woman whom i look upto and who has impressed me the most. it is our mother who brings us into this world and makes our world beautiful. i have seen and realised that at each and every step of life, my mother has been there with me to hold me, to support me and to protect me if the path ahead was cobbled up and undulated. she has always been there to tend me , to console me with her sugary piece of advice which is like a tonic for my pains, my worries, my doubts and my my questionaires.. i am not impressed by my mother only because i share an emotional attachment with her but also because of her emotional attachment with eveyone i something that i have considered before penning down and putting my mother in the category of "a woman who has impressed me the most".
going down memory lanes and reminisces, i have a coherent recollection of a few unforgettable moments which have their footprints in my mind.it so happened that my father was out of station for some work and i was quite young at that time. my mother was laid up with fever since a few days. weakness suppressed her physical and mental faculties. during this humdrum affair, the news of the arrival of some close guests was far from reassuring. within no time my mother gathered strength and did all the preparations (my help was of no avail to her). eventually the guests arrived and the flawless and the meticulous arrangements were appreciated to a great extent. my mother has never given me any lessons or any lectures. it never took her hours to explain the situation. she just performed it and it was always instilled in my mind. the message that my mother gave me after this situation was that " difficulties in our life do not come to destroy us...... but to help us realise our hidden potential. let difficulties know that we are difficult to defeat ".
another incident goes like this.............. my father was seriously ill and my younger brother was barely one month old and i, 11. as my exams were approaching, my mother had to teach me as always. my brother needed attention and my father needed help. though i do not have a detailed account of how my mother managed to beat the situation, yet i know that whatever she did and however she did is something which needs an outstanding ovation. very soon life assumed its unvaried and monotonous pitch....... years passed by...... but the memory leaves never faded away from my mind..... through this episode i came to know that my mother has always taken her responsibilities and has carried herself in such a way so as to beat all the blues. and this is something which has left me under awe. 469
the most impressive thing about my mother is her ability to convince and impress almost everyone she meets. my mother has been my best friend and will continue to do so inspite of the " generation gap" that is between us, the ability of my mother to understand me and my feelings is incredible and it leaves me spellbound. she has shaped my life- my world beautifully. the world is however very rough and harsh. but i am sure that the qualities which have been instilled in me by my mother will enable me to discern the right from the wrong, the necessary from the superflous and the truth from the false. it will definitely help me to face the world better than anyone and whatever i do, whosoever i become, wherever i go i will be able to hold my head high. considering myself as a girl my mother has been the world's best 'mother', as a student my mother has been the best teacher- my beacon of light and as an individual she has been a best human being and is responsible for instilling in me a true human spirit.
last but not the least i would sum up just by writing my mother's philosophy of life which has influenced me the most-
" listen to the exhortation of the dawn!
look to this day! for it is life,
the very life of life,
in its brief course lies all the realities of our existence:
the bliss of growth, the glory of action, the splendour of beauty,
for yesterday is but a dream and
tomorrow is only a vision:
but today well -lived makes,
every yesterday a dream of happiness and
every tomorrow a vision of hope!!
look well therefore to this day-
such is the salutation of the dawn!!!!! "

PRIYANKA BHARGAVA

2007-05-18T23:52:00.000+05:30

Living in a dream
Absurd as it may seem
Numbing the pain
Nothing to lose or gain

Hoping our paths will cross
Again and again
Which they will eventually
When you go back to being the same

An unbreakable thread
Still continues to grow
When will it cut?
No one is to know

Again you depart
From my world to yours
Unsure of the outcome
Trying to smoothen the flaws

Like the winds
You feel you have a place to go
Not knowing it’s a façade
You still don’t really know

This dull life sickens you
You want to break free
But is it what you really want
Or is it just she?

My words need no voice
The answer you already know
Should you really leave?
No, you shouldn’t go.

some terms

2007-05-01T21:57:00.000+05:30

some common terms which i had grown accustomed to in my school days

bond- the foremost and most important one
A person who is trying to be over smart or rather he thinks he is
he can get away with anything supposedly
one of my english teachers told me how we have mis interpreted the word and the orignal meaning is "bastard of no dignity " and it was coined way back in 1970 something
the gestures of this guy is called bondgiri

J.B. AND S.B- junior of the batch and senior of the batch
i guess pretty much clear one who can make others work as per him and the other who works against his wish and ofcourse a J B is always taken for granted by others
hence j b giri s b giri

TULLA- a very hefty looking person

NIHANI- toilets

NIHARI- snacks provided by school in the evening mostly it was some fruit and milk which i never got in junior years

BLACK MONEY- as we were not allowed to carry money evidently

BLACK POST- in junior school we were not suppposed to post letters without the consent of house masters and hence the term without their permission posting one 'black post'

KAUWA MAARNA- to JUST wash ur face avoiding bath !

TALLI- a very sleepy person or sometimes used to address the sleepy mood

BHATTI- clothes collectively given to dhobi

KHUNDAK- anger

can't remember ne more uhh

EFFICIENT- OF COURSE WE JAYAJIANS

quite a lot of marathi touch thanks to the heritage
if anuone comes up something he'd like to share be my guest leave a comment :P

2007-05-01T21:42:00.000+05:30

कभी एक सपना देखा था ।
वोह टोह पूरा नही हो पाया पर अब एक उम्मीद कि किरण नज़र आ रही है क्या यह किरण रौशनी ला पायेगी । आज आर्सो बाद एक सपना देखने कि हिम्मत कि है

the last chance to prove myself
so that i can look up in the mirror and match eyes with my own reflection something which i can't do rather am afraid to do.

Radhika Tandon has give me hope

LIMITS

2007-04-10T06:39:00.000+05:30

there and back again
how do you pick up the threads of our old life again
how do you go on, when your heart does not begin to understand
There is no going back
there is something time cannot end
some hurts that have gone too deep
that has taken hold now

Liv Tyler!
i did it 4 nights out of 5 being awake testing forcing my body to the extreme limits out of wonder how much i can take, out of curiosity how much i can put through
pushing the limits a bit more further will my eyes betray me now , lets hope not after all when do i get the time to do all the things which can't be done n 24 hour day don't we all wish the day was a bit more longer

its so beautiful to greet the sun in the morning
the college campus looks so beautiful for once
its so beautiful to be alive to live for myself
no strings attached no questions to be answered
bathe t 6 but alas! water isn't coming in the bathrooms
i think better now the clarity is so much
maybe I'll fall asleep in the lecture today i don't know i hope not
maybe the 53 hour record is within my sight maybe it can be broken
maybe today c++ lab will be satisfactory
i can day dream i can plan
and that's what I've doing
strange post i know but u managed to read to even more strange !!

surprise

2007-04-06T01:48:00.000+05:30

surprise !
surprise !
surprise !
surprise !
surprise !
surprise !
life full of them
every one knows

2007-04-03T20:45:00.000+05:30

i screwed everything up agin this time i was prepared i dunno what went wrong but i screwed up completely damn
will i ever rise out of 5 pata nahi
damn why me why does the fate has to turn its back on me every time
true lots of thins are not in our hands but this one it was and even then i had prepared religiously fuck man fuck

RESPECT!!

2007-04-02T03:01:00.000+05:30

yes respect
respect whom ?
respect why?
are they worth it?
why should we? just because they are older than us in age?
do they deserve it? have they earned it?
these questions remain unanswered how much i try to answer them they become more complex to unravel.
the conflict between the moral values, traditional values and the soch of the modern independent man still lingers

do i need to respect the damn netas they are bleeding the country dry we know it everyone knows it but no one acts because they can't the goons and leaders go hand in hand who wants to mess with them
they have the so called awaz of the aam janta
love them or hate them we have to live them

do i need to respect my teachers
some i agree
but what about the others
the ones who screw it delibratly
the shishya guru parampara my foot

then perhaps i should respect the bureaucrats
the dastards who suck out more than they are paid to work
who think that just because they are in government service and supposedly the people are on their mercy, so they screw it up
go to post office u want to get your kisan vikas patra cashed u have to pay some 30 odd bucks and lo! ur work is done
no wonder so many officials are against right to information act

last but not the least "the mob"
everyone has seen the power of one godhra ramjanam bhoomi nd he numerous occations when it has resufaced time and again

we do respect our family members, friends maybe collegues but that respect is born out of love and its different... but then at a later stage we really understand that they have earned it already but we haven't realized it

My Celebrity Look-alikes

2007-03-23T04:06:00.001+05:30

My cool celebrity look-alike collage from MyHeritage.com. Get one for yourself.

i know this is a very weird photograph of mine but i used it coz it reminds me of my strange haircut i took in first semester and also the day as per ravan i stared at a girl for so long, everybody realized it but i was lost and that poor girl did everything counted stars and what not
khair adios to that freak memory

lost

2007-03-20T14:20:00.000+05:30

i have lost it completely
even blogger can't help me vent out my frustration
why does it happen
why people do not understand that their actions also affect others , who care for them who love them who will stand by them no matter what happens
just one blow and everything is gone things will never be the same. speak of trust its all gone what is left is suspicion anger hurt betrayal and life will never be the same again
what do i do now? nothing
yes i can do nothing maybe valium will help

300

2007-03-16T20:12:00.001+05:30

gosh this movie was awaited for soooo long finally i saw it today and ever since the show ended i am wondering when should i come back for another show. usually i don't watch movies in a theatre waste of money when u can watch a good pirated dvd print
simply awesome movie !
all smiles today this 300 mood is too good to be wasted today and i just can't help smiling in awe , what a movie what effects, the courage of spartans their fighting skills their strategy love for their country pride honour and i am short of words every spartan had 6 pack abs !
no other word but SEXY
why can't our histories be immortalized ? why does it always have to be theirs why can't bollwood make this good movie they could have made asoka one hell of a movie but everyone screwed masala hona chaiye damn
kudos to
frank miller on whose graphic novel its based
zack snyder its director and to all the actors gerard butler lina headly

and to everyone
i think i wud watch it another time again soon maybe tomorow
cheers!!!

happy anniversary to me

2007-03-13T21:45:00.000+05:30

last year same week had a bike accident in which i ruptured my knee ligaments broken nose and lots of other wounds and cuts
during those 3 days in the fortis hospital so much happened that it was so difficult to digest. lets go all over it again
i was studying in my room when this person came said lets go to sector 18 and have some food . I was reluctant but agreed in the end, we went out my phone was in my hand as i was engrossed in smsing ..... i looked up at the red light there was a cycle wala i thought X would dodge him but to my dismay (whatever he was thinking or looking whichever way) he rammed straight into that poor unsuspecting guy.....bravo!
anyway this person fainted on the spot with his face bleeding i was so perplexed didn't knew what to do couldn't walk (my knee) blood all over my face my spects broken i couldn't see properly and i lost my cell phone again !!!! some lucky fellow must have had a great time a nokia 3230+ 700 balance !
as usuall crowd gathered an auto was stopped and a kind policeman took us to the hospital
from there i phoned ravan ......
kya yaar saari tragedies mere saath hi honi hoti hain bechare mere dost meri wajah se kahan kahan nahi gaye police station hospital and what not ..................
there in the hospital so many friends came and people actually cried which i never did anticipated i was even rude to one of them intentionally
anyway dad came took me home and since then nothing has been the same
but precisely the point "people" its where the whole story revolves afterall
its so interesting to see so many shades of emotion amacizia!
that is another story

the k-fed conection

2007-02-25T11:47:00.000+05:30

i expressed a concern when they were getting married now that their marrige has collapsed they both are at each other's throats money , custody and prestige.
did britney diserve this ?
nd even the media does not leave her alone plz can't u see see needs to be alone she needs love not papparazzi isn't it enuf for her to deal with what's going on in her life.
only i wish i could help her

2007-02-25T11:14:00.000+05:30

Kissology

I recieved this as a mail this morning and I thought that I had to share it with the world.. Now it is your turn to share it with your loved ones..

And people, just incase you forgot.. this is not the synopsis of my life just because there is too much heat generated here..

Butterfly Kiss - With your faces less than a breath away, open and close your eyelids against your partners. If done correctly, the fluttering sensation will match the one in your heart.

Cheek Kiss - A friendly, "I really like you" kiss. Often the preferred kissing method of a first date. With your hands on your partner's shoulders, gently brush your lips across her cheek.

Earlobe Kiss - Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.

Eskimo Kiss - With your faces less than a breath apart, gently rub your noses together.

Eye Kiss - Hold your partner's head with both hands and slowly move their head in the direction you wish your kiss to go... then slowly kiss up towards your partner's eyes and give them a tender kiss on top of their closed eyes.

Eyelid Kiss - While your partner is resting/sleeping with eyes closed, very very gently kiss the spot right below their browbone. A very intimate kiss.

Finger Kiss - While laying together gently suck on their fingers. This can be very seductive and pleasurable.

Foot Kiss - An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.

Forehead Kiss - The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.

Freeze Kiss (or Melt Kiss) - Experiment with this fun kiss. Put a small piece of ice in your mouth, then open mouth and kiss your partner, passing them the ice with your tongue. It's an erotic and sensual french kiss with a twist of cold.

French Kiss - The kiss involving the tongue. Some call this the "Soul Kiss" because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth's breath in the exchange across tongues. Surprisingly, the French call this "The English Kiss".

Fruity Kiss - Take a small piece of fruit and place between your lips (juicy fruits such as grapes, strawberries, small pieces of pineapple or mango are ideal). Kiss your partner and nibble one half of the piece of fruit while they nibble the other until it breaks in half, allowing the juice to run into your mouths.

Hand Kiss - Gently raise her hand to your lips. Lightly brush your lips across the top of her hand. Historically this kiss was performed with a bow, which showed deference to a lady.

Hickey Kiss - The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.

Hostage Kiss - Cover your lips with tape and get your love's attention. When they come near, make noises like you're trying to tell them something and motion as if you can't get the tape off. Once they remove the tape from you to hear what you're trying to say tell them: "I've been saving my lips all day just for you!" Then kiss your love passionately!

Hot and Cold Kiss - Lick your partner's lips so that they're warm, and then gently blow on them. The sudden cold blast makes for a sensual explosion, and they will often try it on you next, as well as get very passionate.

Mistletoe Kiss - Surprise your lover by capturing them with a gentle holiday kiss under the mistletoe. This is also a good method for shyer individuals to steal a kiss from a potential lover.

Letter Kiss - Send your lover a kiss in a love letter by writing the letter x several times in a row at the bottom of a letter such as XXXXX.

Lick Kiss - Just before kissing, gently run your tongue along you partners lip whether it be the top or bottom one depending on the position of your lips. Very sensual.

Lip Sucking Kiss - When kissing gently suck on their lower lip. This can be very exciting.

Neck Nibble Kiss - Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips.

Nip Kiss - This kiss can create a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. When done correctly, this kiss ignites wonderful sensations.

Reverse Lips Kiss - It involves standing above your lover and kissing them from over their head. This way, each kisser can take the hyper-sensitive bottom lip of thier lover in their mouths, and GENTLY draw blood to the surface of the lip by nibbling and sucking. A very sensuous, connecting kiss.

Searching The Cavern - Use the lips and tongue to gently tickle and kiss your lover's navel. Vary speeds and stroke to change sensation. Invigorating and intoxicating.

Shoulder Kiss - Simply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss.

Sip Kiss - Take a small sip of your favorite drink. Leaving a little bit of it on your lips, kiss your partner. It is a unique way to create a sensual feeling and your partner will enjoy it.

Talking Kiss - Whisper sweet nothings into your partner's mouth. If caught in the act, simply say as Chico Marx, "I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering into her mouth."

Teaser Kiss - Starting on the forehead, a sweet short kiss on lips, then move up the arms up to her hand, kiss her hand, then come back up her arm, to her face and then lightly kiss her lips till she wants a passionate kiss.

The Buzzing Kiss - Gently place your lips against your lover's neck , behind their ear. Now, send a shudder through their skin by gently growling and humming, vibrating your lips and cheeks as you do so. Move up and down the neck, over the bones of the face and lips. Stimulating and erotic when done correctly.

The Whipped Cream Kiss - Dip your finger into some cool whip or whipped cream of your choice. Lick it off slowly, then embrace your partner and kiss them deeply letting their tongue slip over yours for a wonderfully sweet kiss. It's very seductive and passionate.

Tiger Kiss - Quietly sneak up behind your partner making sure they do not know what you are going to do. Out of the blue, grab them and gently bite their neck. Make sure to get a few good growls in too. This will surely surprise them.

Trickle Kiss - Take a sip of a favourite drink and trickle it slowly into partner's mouth while kissing.

Tongue Sucking - A variation of the French kiss. During an open-mouth kiss gently suck on your partner's tongue (not too hard because it may hurt). Very sexy :-)

Quickie Kiss - When you're in a rush. Often the nose gets it rather than the lips.

Vacuum Kiss - While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss.

Wake Up Kiss - Before your partner awakes lean over and kiss their cheek and move over giving soft kisses until you reach their lips. Definitely a more than pleasant way to wake up!

2007-02-24T14:25:00.000+05:30

read in readers digest a quote by someone
"show me a person who loves his school days and i'll show you a bore and a bully"
puhleez beg to differ

1.i have spent 10 years out of 13 of my school life in a hostel and i daresay i enjoyed everybit but overall i'd rate it a very good affair afterall

2.i am an extremly pampered child am i can say this
my every wish was granted before i uttered it

3.my mother loads me with food whenever i go home food food and food is only on her mind.

4.i was mr.popular in my hometown and as i went to my school (as i refer it) i became a nobody the transformation was obvious

5.went to a boarding school 7 1\2 years old class 3 no experience very naive, the fight for survival had begun

6.I used to be mr rule boy everything as per rules not even a step outside.

7.lots of my stuff got stolen i had a hard time with bihari's swarming all over i was bullied a lot in short my first tryst with struggle

8.i had always been a jack of all trades tried my hand at everything ,used to be the darling of teachers maybe because i was cute(damn u shud see my pictures)

9.was the best table tennis player in the junour section when was in class 4 learnt hockey and soccer my love for the former lasted for the next 9 years.

10.in a fancy dress competition donned the gandhi look but was so damn scared of the stage din't even go

11.participated in elocution but nervousness was all over me forgot came last the fear refuses to go!

12.My best Friend was a girl (oh ! in a all guys school it is a luxury)

13.I kissed her or any girl for the first time when we went to panchmari class3 annual camps in the bus i still remember every bit of it ;)

14. class5 she left for ladakh family reasons no addresses that was the last time i spoke to her
no emails no Internet no mobile and still hers is the first name i search on any networking site i visit

15.class 6 time for appointments
the bihari's did it again wasn't made the school prefect coz i didn't butter the teachers .the post of house prefect came a compensation

16.got demoted as my very close friend dragged me into a scandal......

17.class 7 passed and promoted to senior school timid shy 10 year old feeded to the vultures....
hehe the same i wud do in class 12

18. JAYAJI HOUSE

19.HERE I LEARNT EVERYTHING my love my darling my everything
from the first day the seniors made us act and believe we are difeent from rest of the school being in jayaji house is being the best n the school

18.the flag of jayaji house competes with the flag of scinda school
i don't remember who said this but someone did i still remember those lines
the first day i was made to delete words like defeat loss and all its synonyms from my dictionary.

19.i became a servant virtually here doing the work of seniors from dusk to dawn
waking them up, making their beds polishing their shoes to washing dirty socks in the afternoon small erands were numerous .

20.'bondgiri' means hiding stuff or lying to the seniors to save ur ass
i became a master of deception finally in class 8 after suffering a lot
now i can match the bihari's finally!

21.became a star hockey player and aveage soccer player for my house won trophies participated in quizes read books like never before made a good rappart with seniors
life was never so beautiful before

22.while all this was happening i became a 70%ter for the first time in my life afterall you can't do everything

23. had my share of fights with classmates my fault or theirs

24.class 9 wore a sari in house evening play
hell lot happened after that

25.got scholarship from school class 10th boards
hopes of getting 100 in maths dashed sad but i knew tht fter i gave the paper

26. planning to leave school my parents wanted jee but they made me stay back+ my fav teacher mr.kapoor made me stay back i hated them but now i love them it was the right decision

26.class 11 was hell didn't exactl went along wih my immediates seniors so they gave me hell but i survived tht one year

27.class 12 was the best year of my life the more i say abt it the more i feel loss of words

28.valedictory assembly official farewell to the class of 2004 leaving the oat with a white candle and to the tne of school song "rishi galav ki tapathali par base hue aabhiraam......." still is fresh in my mind

30.26 march 2004 leaving school
taxi waiting
bag on my shoulders
tears in eyes i bid my adieu
the love affair had begun from 21st july 1999 to current day

31.now in college the vicious circle again started picking friends, career and a future

ps: i delibrately didn't write about some very personal stuff
let it be
and i cud find no apt title for this

hopeless

2007-02-09T18:13:00.000+05:30

i had changed but she too had,
the promises were false
so were the hopes
she wanted me to change,she never said
i felt it but neither did i,
says i lie
how do i explain the circumstances
no one can
i never go against my ego
she never understans, bingo
she meant the world to me
her smile makes me smile
her eyes
the fragrance of her shampooed hair
to see her happy i would do
whatever it takes
now she's found someone else
i am happy for her
forget the world its between me and her
i am wrong she is right
i am dumb she is bright
i love her and lost her
never did she
for there was no match
have done the worst to oneself
not lost my ego but 'lost my pretext over it'
stay away or i'll fall in love again

NAINITAL

2007-02-06T19:38:00.000+05:30

I was reluctant to go but thank to everone i did afterall

The place from where it begun

Tired but full of enthusiasm reached there and yes the journey don't ask about it

All set day two

25 THINGS I WANNA DO BEFORE I DIE

2007-01-30T02:46:00.000+05:30

1.read fountainhead one more time

2.live in a village

3.rafting once again

4.thank the people who have mattered the most in my life before it is too late

5.travel without a destination

6.ask abdel karim telgi how he did it

7.ride a horse bareback

8.write a book

9.feel how it is to be drunk once

10.sleep on a footpath...oops

11.Dinner with perizaad zorabain or isha sharwani wow

12.......pizza

13.A glass of wine with dad.....
he says never but lets see

14.A symphony by zubin mehta live

15. Serve in army as a regular soldier as they do in israel

16. work for c.r.y

17. Visit my school and spend the day there

18.Make amends with frens

19. love a girl truely .....hopefully tht day will come too

20.encounter with a ghost...

21. dinner cooked by my grandma......alas!

22.live in united states

23.overcome my fear of dogs....phew!!
so damn scared since got chased by one

24.read homer in greek.

25. die with no regrets.....
where the mind is without fear
and the head is held high.........

move on

2007-01-11T02:13:00.000+05:30

finally i have decided to end my sabbatical
these two words 'move on' have been giving me hell for the past month forcing me to thing what went wrong after all the questions which i ha long forgotten resurface again. why me? i had tried but obviously it lacked everywhere
The past month was as eventful as it could be i experienced all emotions
Euphoria of exams getting over .....
A memorable trip to nainital with friends....
Sister's wedding in delhi..... which is the second wedding i ever attended in my life what an eventful affair i can write endlessly about it
Meeting long lost relatives who turn up only on weddings
Exam results being declared....W.O.W.
my birthday which as always is a forgetful affair
laptop seized....pocketmoney halved
numb eyes heavy heart lump in the throat ....vacations ended
late for registration paid the fine ...thanx to indian railways
the only solution is grades
the question is not can i? but will i work hard ?
the only consolation i can propose is forget the past move on start all over again but don't let history repeat itself.
what a mess i am in totally completly neck deep in quicksand...........

uffff!!!

2006-11-19T19:30:00.000+05:30

the day b4 yesterday was one helluva day for me such harrowing experience my god!
it all started in the morning i woke up a bit late bbut wanted to go to the physcis and communications lecture my roomate left early. when i left my bed searching for he damn
toothbrush i realized the room was locked from outside!!! of fuck i said in desperation
banged at the door then again dozed off 2 hours later i shouted "abe bihari" "darwaza khol de baahar se" voila i am a free bird
again chalo the day has begun wish me luck still lots to go then i went to the computer lab teacher to beg to plead to seek forgiveness for being late in submitting the programs. finally after 3 and a half hours of waiting and pleading for mercy i was granted my wish not to forget thanx i had a girl with me as my lab partner otherwise i wud have been screwed. then it was eve i came to the hostel in the way to my room a fren was joking with me and the price of the jokes my spectacles were broken . oh shit! i have only a single pair + rs 140 for its repairs when i am broke icing on the cake. ...................L.O.L
so i checked my wallet 100 rupees were missing
then went to the atm took out the money and shipra it is then!
did shopping and the shopkeeper charged me half it was worth oh!
came back to the hostel had a fight with some of my best frens in coll
it wasn't really a fight but just an emotional outburst rather
finally i slept with a view whic i share with scarlett O'hara
"afterall tomorrow is a new day"

umrao jaan

2006-11-13T02:24:00.000+05:30

it has been a week since i saw umrao jaan . it was a pretty harrowing experience and left me astounding that why out of pity frenship or what ever why did i ever watch that movie . sure ash is gorgeous but a 3hour+movie it was just too much what i did in the movie was tha twatch mujras and then go back to sleep on the not so comfy pvr chairs . the aunty next me me was throwing a stern look at me and two of my frens coz all we did was joking amongst us. even the dad of the hot girl sitting behind me waved at us when v left the theatre even b4 the movie was completed .

that is besides the point i was just wondering abt the future of such umrao jaans in india thou a century has passed but the condition of women is unchanged isn't it........
i vividly remember this incident which happened 3 years back on ............
i was on the lko rail station waiting for the never on time chapra mail to take me to my school in gwalior i had waited for 3 hrs in cold 6 to 0 in the morning and was damn frustrated ...... then a poorly dressed girl in rags came up to me and with those lost dreamy eyes asked me for anything to eat ...... i just couldn't hold myself and gave her 20 bucks .............
it is so unlike me but i just did it couldn't refrain myself.
i had to she looked so fragile so beautiful so needy that i had to help her out
for me she is my umrao jaan
even more beautiful than ash

"JUST HELP THEM" AND SAVE THEM FROM SUCH A DESOLATE AND OBSOLETE FUTURE"

britney and k-fed breakup

2006-11-10T00:24:00.000+05:30

the speculation by media is finally over they both have filed for divorce "unconscionable reasons" is the reason stated by the couple

lets see how things turn up ...........
was just wondering ....... afterall we live in a socity and gossip is our birth right

music it is!!!!

2006-11-10T00:19:00.000+05:30

this song is very apt for me
bed of roses-bon jovi

Sitting here wasted and wounded
At this old piano
Trying hard to capture
The moment this morning I dont know
cause a bottle of vodka
Is still lodged in my head
And some blond gave me nightmares
I think shes still in my bed
As I dream about movies
They wont make of me when Im dead

With an ironclad fist I wake up and
French kiss the morning
While some marching band keeps
Its own beat in my head
While were talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
And the truth is baby youre all that I need

I want to lay you on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

Well Im so far away
That each step that I take is on my way home
A kings ransom in dimes Id given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or its hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back to you
Ill just close my eyes and whisper,
Baby blind love is true

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

The hotel bar hangover whiskeys gone dry
The barkeepers wigs crooked
And shes giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died

When you close your eyes
Know Ill be thinking about you
While my mistress she calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonite I wont be alone
But you know that dont
Mean Im not lonely Ive got nothing to prove
For its you that Id die to defend

I want to lay you down on a bed of roses
For tonite I sleep on a bed on nails
I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is
And lay you down on bed of roses

the end of life

2006-11-06T21:53:00.000+05:30

A Philosophy that intrigues me much more than anything else...

Should it be called the End or the Armageddon or the Metamorphosis or something else... difficult to say... requires an in depth analysis of the notions surrounding this phenomenon.

It all depends on one's approach to death itself and thus automatically comes the related issue of one's notion regarding life as well. Though it might sound strange but it is a fact that the image that one holds in his psyche regarding death is an oblique reflection of his view about life..

If one takes life to be absolute then death is reduced to a mere trivia. if we deduct 'full' from full itself then we get the 'full' back.. Confused..? Look at it this way.. we all know that the Universe comprises of everything, all that is there, and all that is not as there cannot be abything beyond this Universe. So now if we subtract this Universe from itself we get 'nothing' mathematically. But that nothing is also included in the universe as per the definition of the Universe. Therefore we get back the Universe.

Now if we take life to be such an absolute, which can transcend mere bodily existence then there cannot be a state which is beyond the scope of this life. Thus death becomes something utopian for easier analysis and superficial explanation.

seems so easy isn't it then lets all die and take the path of death why stay alive........!!

In reality there are more layers to this philosophy. I just attempt to bring out only one at this moment. In an attempt to physically substantiate life.. it can be asserted that a being or for that matter anything lives or exists in the mind of other people. If one is shoved into oblivion by someone else then no matter how much he lives bodily he is actually dead. Likewise how much one is bodily dead if others remember him there is no better way to live. Biological death is not the same as the notion of death as the notion is one which resides in one's mind and cannot be mensured by instruments or any physical 'jantra'.

Hence Death is a transformation from one state to another from one mode of perceivability to another form of perception.

as our badri sir said its a matter of perception and showed us a cool pic of a young girl,some said it was young some said old but for me she was an ailing dying woman

Death is not an Absolute...Life is the yardstick.

A DROP OF THOUGHT!!

2006-10-28T00:00:00.000+05:30

I doubt whether I can break,

I doubt if my 'hope' can shake...

It's not that I love to doubt :

But of my doubts I can't partake..

THE corridors OF jiit

2006-09-22T21:59:00.000+05:30

as one moves through the corridors of THE college one can feel the nostalgia and mixed aura of sweat and perfume hard to distinguish where people just try too much. the corridors being an integral part of the campus every colligiate has to traverse through them several times of the day. they can be looked upon as a vibrant ground of mixed emotions. people in various stages of emotional undress can be found littered everywhere.

sometimes when this strange mood takes me i try to study and figure out people. it isn't love for people but pure wonder curiosity and amazement. generally its just a glance which does the trick thier faces emotions say it all. so once in a while it is cool to sport a dumb and lost look purposly for ppl to underestimate you!!!! they evaluvate and conclude and thence exposing themselves more
OH GOD WHAT A SADIST I AM TURNING OUT TO BE :=)
THE CLOCK BELL RINGS 9
the stream of nobody's rushes in to become somebody of future. some enter with a goal, some with desolution!- resigned to fate and the rest to mingle with the crowd and the fucking exceptions like me want to get lost in the jingling crowd trying to avoid destiny which catches up in the end afterall. L.O.L
the euphoria begins...................
lemme describe the campus there is a coffe shop and beside that there is a tuck shop which provides all sorta stuff to eat like chips and all and unofficially serves as a rescue point between lectures there on the ground floor there are numerous lecture theatres and in frony of them there are some khopcha's "a dating place "

as the day rolls on there is a sense of exitement every where lectures being cancelled mass bunks being planned and ofcourse staring and oogling at girls which some of the guys do not all .....maybe all but they don't show.

then there is the adminstrative guys trying to catch ppl using mobile a new trend evolved in the colleges thou it is a fad.
this reminds me of a experience of mine
ok here it is
i was feeling very rich so i paid more fees than i shud have so the college gave a refund check . thou it was an account payee one but i tried to cash it as i was in dire need of cash as every one is
then the head adminstrative officer supposedly caught me trying to "fraudlently cashing the check" as he put it. he then gave me a fucking lecture of half hour and in the end told me i have commited a fedral offence and the police had to be called he picked up the fone . then i said tusion mein sir talk to papa i have permission from him it was then he wasa bit disheartened and let go of me... as i came out cursing him i met a junior in almost crying state his mobile was confiscated and was asking me what to do i gave a loud sigh damn these assoles
people back bitching gossips freely flowing in short it is a new world inside
still when A wrong act is being planned or a consipiracy being hatched alll become one
"UNITY IN DIVERSITY " JUST LIKE TRUE INDIA

concept of DiWaLi

2006-09-18T23:35:00.000+05:30

it is a forwarded mAil i had just received amazing thou
do read it
it is actually happening these days observe people in metros and other big cities the young crownd in particular, everything western is worshipped by them
where is InDiA
here it is!!!

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked
by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali"
to his younger brother, this is how he went about it..

." So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom
and people liked him.
But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a
bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this
cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or
something...
Since he was going, for like, something like more than
10 years or so.. he decided to get his wife and his
bro along...you know...so that they could all chill
out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really
man... they had monkeys and devils and shit like that.
But this dude, Ram, kicked ass with darts and bows and
arrows... so it was fine.
But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called
Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to
his hood.And boy, was our man , and also his bro,
Laxman,pissed...
And you don't piss this son-of-a-gun cuz, he just
kicks ass and like... all the gods were with him... So
anyways,you don't mess with gods.
So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys..Dude,
don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just
go along with me, ok...So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys
whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the
forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know...
no TV or malls or shit like that.
So,they decided to hitch a ride backhome... and when
the people realize that our dude, his bro andthe wife
are back home... they thought, well, you know, at
least they deserve something nice... and they didn't
have any bars or clubs in those days...
so they couldn't take them out for a drink,so they,
like,decided to smoke and shit...and since they also
had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was
pretty cooool...you know with all those fireworks...
Really, they even had some localband play along with
the fireworks... and you know,what, dude, that was the
very first, no kidding.., that was the very first
music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th
of July stuff,but just, more cooler and stuff, you
know.
And, so dude, that was how,like, this festival
started."

2006-09-15T19:48:00.000+05:30

A GiRls DiArY.............

all these yeARS i have had been wondering how a girl writes her diary thou i had a chance to read once but i outrightly declined ahem ahem....well that's besides the point maybe this is the way a girl write sin her diary i dunno but give it a try

september 15,2006 thursday

dear diary ,
today was so much fun at the end of the day i was elated and yet when i lied down to sleep i just cudn't sleep that creepy smile came back again and agai o nmy vestal face god it is in decent to be so happy.
i had a dream day giving in to the tiring schedule of my past few days today i woke up a little late than usuall and then allowed myself the luxuary of bunking all the lectures . then college was fun after that i was tired nevertheless went out with my frens hd a blast of an evening and lo! back i am in the hostel tired but flush with happiness
so far everthing is just so good never once was i questioning stuff as i usually do i just went with the flow so unnatural for me but yet very true
then we 4 frens talked thru the nyt it was just too good since past sometime i never talked like this but then it felt nice in a strange sorta way,
and then we slept togather which was certainly one thing i hadn't done thru ages

we slept with the morning sun,
the vestal rains lashing at the door,
awoke with a start,glowing smile on my face
alas! wud this day ever come again

goodbye, x x x

ahem ahem!! howz the try

2006-09-12T23:21:00.000+05:30

okay this is an honest attempt hope the people associated wud like it

I wait
trying to catch a glimpse
of your oceanic eyes
a shadow of your smile
your angelic face

I walk in desolation
a traveller
in a desert
praying for an oasis,
and there you are, the mirage

Shrouded in a veil of mystery
the deary morning frost
oh! how i wish
for the ice to be broken
for the Peraly Gates to open

I try desperately
to find my strangled voice
the words, by your aura, overshadowed
die prematurely in the throat
and all one hears is a splutter

I, try
To win a lost battle
Every second with the hope
That it will ….
Why?

give up, i will not
with the passing days i gather strength
to cease being the dumb guy in the next chair.
And tell you what I feel u’hve still got me wrong
I hope not , forever that lasts

IF!

2006-09-12T19:32:00.000+05:30

the word if itself says it all. if an alias for hindi word 'kaash' gives rise to surrealism and hope.hope is man's best friend and also the worst enemy which creeps when least expected to stab you.
yesterday i was just thinking the importance of this word in my life and as i went down the memory lane it just made it presence felt somehow. i can't say i am not immune to this feeling but it has come to my rescue on helluva occations
when i am feeling low 'IF' increases my morale givin' hope to the damned.
sometimes rather i say most of the times 'IF'
gives us just false hope......................
a premonitions of disaster's..................... AS LIFE FUCKS
a picturesque of my dreams............................ THE DREAM CATCHER
an anticlimax to fantasies..................................... THE FANTASY BUSTER
the more meaningful

SOMETIMES CIRCUMSTANCES AND MY REACTIONS FORCE ME TO THINK that whether i am a big psycho kya?
why do i like to spend time alone? am i a loner?
why am i just so moody?
why do people bore me generally after talking with them for sometimebut it isn't like i start hating them its like i just loose interest in them they cease to exist for me...
GHOSH!! THESE PEOPLE ARE SO IGNORANT THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THEY WANT FROM THIER LIVES. DO I?
but then here the tragedy starts
THE more meaningful people i meet half the time the friendship which i so badly want doesn't emulate and when it does then its for life .
the story of my life can be summed up as a soccer game
allow me to elaborate
i am a midfielder i create chances for others the strikers . they r the ones who benefit most from me.
when i try to be a striker i fail miserably i am too horibile
ONLY IF I COULD SUCEED ONCE JUST THIS ONE TIME WHICH MATTERS THE MOST
IF IF IF
IF IF
IF
enough shit
okay fine
her name is..............
keep speculating